Monday, August 22, 2005

What would Jesus do?

So He Who Puts Up with Me and I are walking with Doofus to Pike Place Market yesterday when we stop at a grassy area next to a church so Doofus can attend to his dog business.

Doofus is about to take care of the nastier portion of his business when I young couple (mid-to-late 20s?) walks past. I catch snippets of their conversation, which includes "in front of a church" and "people should carry bags with them."

They pass just as Doofus is finishing, and the guy turns and looks at us. "I hope you're going to pick that up."

Now...that was just the wrong thing to say. There are many things that push my buttons, and that one has got to be near the top of the list. We always pick up after Doofus. I know some people are horrible, or at best spotty, about picking up after their dogs, and I really resent someone assuming that I am one of those people.

Because, children, when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.

So HWPUWM and I respond at the same moment: he by pulling a plastic bag out of his pocket and holding it up with an any-more-questions-you-moron look on his face, me by giving them a one-fingered salute.

But the guy won't stop. He says "You really shouldn't let you dog do that in front of a church."

We were actually along the side of the church, but I digress. I point at the grass and say "grass," wave my arms around and say "urban environment," then point at Doofus and say "dog." I mean, honestly, unless you are going to go radical and say that pet dogs should be completely barred from high-density urban neighborhoods, then you are going to have people taking their dogs to do business on just about any available patch of grass.

Mr. One-Track-Mind repeats his statement that we "really shouldn't do that" in front of a church.

Then I get really mad. And I decide to go for broke.

I shrug. "Well, we're not Christian, so it doesn't matter to us."

And then both members of this fine young couple start to swear. They cuss, and they cuss, and they keep on cussing over their shoulders at us as they reach the end of the block and turn the corner.

So, children, what important moral lesson can we take from this little encounter? That's right: It's a sin to let your dog relieve an important and normal biological function next to a church, but it's perfectly OK to use profanity!


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